Coming Out
Coming out to his dad
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
My Semi- Coming Out Story
I don't know how to start this really... But I'll just start with this: I AM BISEXUAL, NOT GAY, NOT STRAIGHT... BISEXUAL... Ok... Now that that's out of the way, lets begin.
I've been this way since I was in Kindergarten... Had my first kiss from a guy in kindergarten. Yes, I know, really early... But i grew up QUICK. Then I thought I was just gay, but then realized that I was interested in both at the age of 7. Let's see... first gay sex was 1st grade... first straight sex was 2nd grade... It's all a little hard to understand but lets continue...
From 4th grade until 9th grade, I was self-proclaimed "Straight", I told everyone that I liked girls and girls only. But that lie was short lived. 10th grade at Sussex Tech rolled around, I was working at McDonalds in Rehoboth and the urges and tendencies began to get worse. I knew who I was was not going anywhere and I might as well fess up to it. The first person I told was my friend Heather... She was the only one that understood just how hard it was being me. We became friends quickly... We had our issues but one thing that always will keep us two together will be the love for equality. So, 10th grade, its around March of 2009... We were installing computers in a room at school, one guy asked me, "hey are you gay?" I said, "no" he said, "I heard you were" I said, "no im not gay." then a girl named Patience said, "Do you like boys?" and I said, "Why?" and then they all were like, "ooooh youre gay!!" and im like "no im not!" but whatever you know, I got over it and then eventually I let it go. Right in the middle of Electronics class I said, "I AM NOT GAY! I AM BI! GET IT STRAIGHT!" obviously everyone heard me and at that point I knew I was done. So the truth set me free. From then on I have been seen as the gay kid... I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME GAY! I AM BISEXUAL>>> NOT GAY! Not that there's anything wrong with being just gay. Anyway...
People started treating me differently... I had a crush on the teacher's son... He treated me like crap after finding out always playing "gay games" with me... Teasing me... like if a hot guy walks in the room, they all would just stare at me. It hurts, it really does. It's nice to have friends like Heather... and Tara that sits in front of me in Electronics to be there when I need help. They are wonderful. Anywho, to this day, I am still being tormented. And that has prompted me to start an organization called Equality Delaware. We help get legislation into law to prevent bullying based on sexual orientation.
People often say that words dont hurt but they do. I have tried to commit suicide 23 times since 5th grade (8 years ago). I almost succeeded twice. And you would think someone would know about that, but no one but my friends know. Im glad I had my friends there to stop me from doing it. Love is the only cure for suicide... I learned that. I just wish that I didn't have to hide this from my family and the rest of the world. To my family its a disease... If my family ever found out, they would tell my pastor and then my pastor would have me at the alter every Sunday morning. I CANT HAVE THAT. People are always saying that being gay or bi is a choice. IT IS NOT. GOD made me this way and if he didn't want me to be this way, he has the power to change it. Prayer will not "cure" a gay or bi person so stop trying. Its sad when I can't be accepted by the people I love. I told my sister and she wont talk to me anymore. WHY IS BEING GAY SO WRONG? IS IT JUST BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS SO??? I don't give a rat's ass about what that book says! Man wrote that book. I know God would not tell people to slaughter children and gay people. That said, If i cant be accepted and loved by my religion, I don't want a religion at all.
I've fallen in love so many times only to be hurt. Im scared to look for anyone because im scared that i might lose that person as a friend. I have this one friend, Brandon, that acts so gay all the time... and up until he found out that I was bi, he acted gay around me... and I made the dumb ass mistake of asking him out! OH silly me??? why did I do that??? I hate that reaction when a straight guy says "hell no" I hate that reaction. So for me now, its just sex sex and more sex until I find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Im scared for my future... i want that american dream where you have a wife and three kids, big house and big cars big back yard with a dog... but that isnt possible in today's world. A man cannot marry a man in some states! They are saying that the requirement for marriage is opposite genders... but to me the ONLY requirement for marriage is love. But for now, Im done crying. Im done trying to kill myself. Instead, I am going to help those who arent as strong... im going to help those out of the closet that are still kinda strapped in... it's time to come out and my day is today. So hello world, IM BISEXUAL... READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!
I've been this way since I was in Kindergarten... Had my first kiss from a guy in kindergarten. Yes, I know, really early... But i grew up QUICK. Then I thought I was just gay, but then realized that I was interested in both at the age of 7. Let's see... first gay sex was 1st grade... first straight sex was 2nd grade... It's all a little hard to understand but lets continue...
From 4th grade until 9th grade, I was self-proclaimed "Straight", I told everyone that I liked girls and girls only. But that lie was short lived. 10th grade at Sussex Tech rolled around, I was working at McDonalds in Rehoboth and the urges and tendencies began to get worse. I knew who I was was not going anywhere and I might as well fess up to it. The first person I told was my friend Heather... She was the only one that understood just how hard it was being me. We became friends quickly... We had our issues but one thing that always will keep us two together will be the love for equality. So, 10th grade, its around March of 2009... We were installing computers in a room at school, one guy asked me, "hey are you gay?" I said, "no" he said, "I heard you were" I said, "no im not gay." then a girl named Patience said, "Do you like boys?" and I said, "Why?" and then they all were like, "ooooh youre gay!!" and im like "no im not!" but whatever you know, I got over it and then eventually I let it go. Right in the middle of Electronics class I said, "I AM NOT GAY! I AM BI! GET IT STRAIGHT!" obviously everyone heard me and at that point I knew I was done. So the truth set me free. From then on I have been seen as the gay kid... I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME GAY! I AM BISEXUAL>>> NOT GAY! Not that there's anything wrong with being just gay. Anyway...
People started treating me differently... I had a crush on the teacher's son... He treated me like crap after finding out always playing "gay games" with me... Teasing me... like if a hot guy walks in the room, they all would just stare at me. It hurts, it really does. It's nice to have friends like Heather... and Tara that sits in front of me in Electronics to be there when I need help. They are wonderful. Anywho, to this day, I am still being tormented. And that has prompted me to start an organization called Equality Delaware. We help get legislation into law to prevent bullying based on sexual orientation.
People often say that words dont hurt but they do. I have tried to commit suicide 23 times since 5th grade (8 years ago). I almost succeeded twice. And you would think someone would know about that, but no one but my friends know. Im glad I had my friends there to stop me from doing it. Love is the only cure for suicide... I learned that. I just wish that I didn't have to hide this from my family and the rest of the world. To my family its a disease... If my family ever found out, they would tell my pastor and then my pastor would have me at the alter every Sunday morning. I CANT HAVE THAT. People are always saying that being gay or bi is a choice. IT IS NOT. GOD made me this way and if he didn't want me to be this way, he has the power to change it. Prayer will not "cure" a gay or bi person so stop trying. Its sad when I can't be accepted by the people I love. I told my sister and she wont talk to me anymore. WHY IS BEING GAY SO WRONG? IS IT JUST BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS SO??? I don't give a rat's ass about what that book says! Man wrote that book. I know God would not tell people to slaughter children and gay people. That said, If i cant be accepted and loved by my religion, I don't want a religion at all.
I've fallen in love so many times only to be hurt. Im scared to look for anyone because im scared that i might lose that person as a friend. I have this one friend, Brandon, that acts so gay all the time... and up until he found out that I was bi, he acted gay around me... and I made the dumb ass mistake of asking him out! OH silly me??? why did I do that??? I hate that reaction when a straight guy says "hell no" I hate that reaction. So for me now, its just sex sex and more sex until I find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Im scared for my future... i want that american dream where you have a wife and three kids, big house and big cars big back yard with a dog... but that isnt possible in today's world. A man cannot marry a man in some states! They are saying that the requirement for marriage is opposite genders... but to me the ONLY requirement for marriage is love. But for now, Im done crying. Im done trying to kill myself. Instead, I am going to help those who arent as strong... im going to help those out of the closet that are still kinda strapped in... it's time to come out and my day is today. So hello world, IM BISEXUAL... READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!
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